Ei! Is that the feeling when one is approaching age 50? This morning I woke up and I was feeling fine. I drove to work, went for a meeting and came back and all of a sudden I felt some sharp pain on my right butt – that pain that one experiences when some nurses give you painful injections especially if it was chloroquine. I asked myself who could have done this to me – pain without provocation? Greetings o, Chairman-General Efogan Kwame S.K! You advised us years back to prepare for moments like this when we hit the 5th floor or about to.
The reality is dawning on me now, Efogan. Occasionally when I wake up from bed, I experience pains in my sobo (calf) as if I have gone to play football. Sometimes it would last for a brief moment and other times too it would take a bit much longer. Food supplements products too, you won’t know which ones to believe because some are just gimmicks!
When we were kids, the way our parents and senior siblings lied to us er. I am sure you also had those scary experiences before. At Christian Village cemetery just on the way to Dome Pillar 2 is the location of the community cemetery. The whole area used to be a very thick bushy area and children got scared walking past the cemetery.
I still don’t know what we were afraid of. ‘Powerless’ people underground including my late father yet we were scared for nothing. There was this time I mistakenly pointed to the cemetery while walking with my big brother, Abraham. Hell broke loose; he asked me to bite my finger three times or else…I didn’t want to hear the consequences. I think that is where I developed the habit of biting my fingernails ‘by hat’ to date.
Good morning o, my Sister-in-Law, Daavi Hadiza, Deputy Editor of The Mirror newspaper. Didn’t you believe it when you were a kid and were told that when you mistakenly swallow an orange seed, it will germinate on your head? Hahaha!
It’s weekend again, and the ‘useless’ things some of us we do every day are being exposed here, especially going to use the restroom with the phone to be doing WhatsApp. That can take you one hour! Those who don’t take phones to the washrooms use barely 10 minutes, depending on what they ate the previous night. If it contains elements of laxatives, they spend 3 minutes. Too much carbohydrates, 9 minutes…depending on the size of the ‘outcome’. As for me, I had to pray sometimes after having suffered constipation for three days!
The thing will just refuse to come and you need to pray to God to release it in minutes through commanding words. Honestly the blood of Jesus has been abused by some of us o. Please forgive us, Sir. Sometimes if one is lucky, one third will drop and depending on the ‘forest’ around the enclave, it either goes straight down into the wc or it is held hostage by the ‘forest hair’. This one too requires another energy to drop it in the distin. We like too much carbo. Ah! Unfortunately our foods too are like that. Give me fufu 30 cedis and salmon ten cedis. When they ask them whether they want chicken or beef, they would say ‘small chicken’!
I got embarrassed last week at the mall when after wearing a new pair of trousers. I bent down to pick something and the next thing I heard was ‘tiaan’ –almost 360 degrees – torn! It got torn from the back to the front. Unfortunately for me too, people were around and I didn’t know how to manage it so I was walking slowly towards the entrance of the mall’s restroom just to go and think about what to do next in their washroom. Problem no dey finish.
To add more problems to my trousers, a ‘too known lady’ who wanted to ‘put her lip-stick on a white paper’ drew my attention to the fact that my shoe lace was loose. I knew that problem but how to bend down and tie it was the problem because of the risk of an expository situation. Bending down to tighten my lace in this ‘condition’ when I was already walking slowly with my legs almost together, you say I should tie lace? Auntie? The most terrifying dread was that my boxer shorts could also not cover up things for me because of the gaping holes in it. That boxer shorts was a whole ‘empire’ on its own. Alla! Never wish your enemy this.
I ignored the lady then as fate would have it, I met an old friend who I needed to hug and I reminded myself to do so with decorum and super extra care. Laughing or attempting to do so could expose me. Eeeeeeei! This thing er. Hmmmm! Not too different from when a man finishes urinating and attempts to zip up and the zip holds the skin of the ‘distin’ especially if the trouser is jeans trousers – the Togoh ones! As to whether to zip down or zip up to be able to come out of that ‘prison’, it requires immediate calculations to find X!
Whichever way you choose, you woul would feelo! Ajeish! I just felt it. Hahahahaha!
So the Black Stars played this week and won. I am happy. Let’s leave the rest for God. We will continue winning after all, is it not biblical to proclaim that ‘I am strong’ knowing very well that you are weak. Gone were the days Kobla Yeboah, (one of my most respected Ghanaian personalities) in a commentary during a Ghana-Japan soccer match in the very early 1990’s or so would communicate it this way on: “Hishimoto passes the ball to Yakamoto; the two motos are moving into Ghana’s 18 box. One moto has overtaken the other moto. Unfortunately I cannot see which of the motos has overtaken the other moto but certainly one moto is ahead…..oh nooo; he wasted a good chance to score Ghana; we are lucky”. Soccer was just a delight to watch those days even on black and white screen. I think Ghana won that match; it was the grand finale.
Anyway, what did I even want to say? Ooooooh, please remind me la, ah!
One of the things I hated and never wanted to happen to me was to wear spectacles. In 2012 when the doctor says I should start wearing a pair of spectacles, I protested. In fact, I took it but never wanted to use it. Ten years on and I can’t read anything if there is no pair of medicated spectacles around. My wife knows the ‘weakness’ so anytime she needs my attention in the night, she hides my spectacles because without it, there is no way I could be doing ‘useless’ whatsapp video calls.
Come to think of it, I think that there should be a law to ban husbands and wives from wearing spectacles. During broad day light, we are unable to see everything clearly without spectacles but in the night when the lights are off and we are in bed together, we see ‘everything’ crearrrr! God is wonderful. I think this was made possible after Jesus had turned water into wine. In the dark, we can see without spectacles but in broad day light, we see nothing. The irony of life. Hmmmm!
Have a great weekend and respect everyone including your detractors because it is only your detractors that make you progress. As for your friends, it is okay to get them to keep you in your comfort zone but with your enemies [some of whom do not exist], you strive harder to develop yourself and by so doing…you would thank your enemy later. Trust me, without the [perceived] enemy, I don’t think you would stay awake till 12 midnight for Miracles Awa! You would thank your enemies later because they are the ones who keep you moving and also make sure that the manufacturers of anointing oil are making profit! Amen? If you like don’t say amen er. Be there. Bye byeeeeeee!
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