Did you know that on judgement day, some people will still tell God that they can explain. Explain what? Anyway it is in my DNA that I explain everything even if I am wrong. My dear brother, explain what exactly? It would be too late. If you have to enter fire, just enter and let me pass by and go to heaven though I am also not sure. Here, the whom-you-know thing doesn’t work o. I am talking from experience. wey can experience? Hahahahahaha!
Ehern, so for those of you who are in a hurry to do DNA tests so that you would know your wife or the mother of your child(ren) was unfaithful to you nu, what exactly do you want to achieve? You want a good reason and every justification to sack the woman and then you sack your kids too and be free? No bi so? One day one day whatever result you want to see from your DNA tests, you would see and that would bring matters to rest as you expose your ‘empty waist’ to the world.
You probably didn’t even know about your condition. The reality would let you know that over the years you have just been pounding and ‘pouring only ‘water water’ and wasting energy. You only become a double loser after taking care of the kids and having established strong emotional bonds. Don’t be in a hurry o, senior man especially if you already in your 50s. I am yet to see a soldier in his 50s who has a potbelly o. Don’t they eat meat or? Yeeeei, I just remembered Bra Sammy. He is a 46 years old and a Lt Colonel in the Salvation Army; he has potbelly – hurrayyyyyyy! Hahahahahaha!
You may want to start with another woman all over again? Trust me, at 50, you would struggle small as your energy level begins to dwindle and you want to born again and satisfy the new woman? You require special grace that is why I think it is out of place to call things off when you are in your 50s. How many more years do we have left? Ah! Manage him or her like that wae na nowhere cool.
You didn’t even know you didn’t have any ‘tadpoles’ inside your waist, and you want to go and confirm to the world that you are incapable of making your own babies through a DNA test. Somethings are better left unknown till we leave this earth. Abeg let that thing be, so that when you die some day, you would be remembered for being a proud father of six! The children whether yours or not, would read nice tributes of a loving caring father at your funeral. Additionally, generations thereafter would be to your credit and your family line stands to benefit. Go and sit down, ‘Papagan’. Hahai!
In fact, if this is your first time reading this abstractly satirical nothing, then you are welcome to the USELESS COLUMN’ where the author talks about some of the most ‘useless’ things and plain plain and runs awayyyyyyyy…..Haven’t you ever used saliva to lubricate the ‘place’ just because you were in a hurry to just ‘fire’ quickly, wear your boxer shorts and go to sleep? If you know you have not used your left fingers to collect saliva and smear it at the gate of entry before, raise your hand let everybody see er. In today’s fast-paced world, who has time for ‘four play’ though I have often maintained that the secret to peeling a boiled egg starts with the first knock with the back of the middle finger!
Mawuli no correct o, God! Forgive him wae!
I had heard that in some extreme cases sometimes, errors do occur in maternity wards where babies are mistakenly swapped. Why do you want to doubt your woman if she says you are the father? The most important thing is to be sure that the child does not look like ‘kpatakpaa’. You want to go and do DNA test? Kokumiga? Go er. People are spending fortunes and sleepless nights to be called fathers k3k3 and you, you have some, you won’t keep quiet. You want the woman disgraced through DNA. After all, don’t people just adopt kids? Don’t think about it; just keep them; it’s okay. Society will respect you for being a responsible ‘father’. There would be more dignity here than your desperate attempt at disgracing the woman. You only end up exposing your ‘disability’ in bed.
It’s similar to those of who go and do HIV test every 3 months. One day one day, whatever you want to see, you will see. It is true that we would all go some day but remember to wear rubber so you can live a bit longer and healthier. Rubber no sweet but it saves lives including yours. Every day raw raw raw, and pouring water waaa waaaa waaaa! Continue! Sin fascinates and assassinates!
Me I’ve stopped doing those unnecessary friendship-with-benefits things with young single ladies o. The way many young guys and ladies have multiple partners nowadays er, even the devil is beginning to fear us. Have you ever seen any such videos on social media showcasing HIV pranks? Many young people simply don’t know the actual names of the people they are dating. They would be asking whether it is Akosua, Jennifer or Comfort. Similarly, the girls would also be asking whether it is Sammy, Prosper or Mawuli.
Repent o, for Jesus is coming. This is no joke. It will take us by surprise. If in doubt, refer to your last dream and you would realise that, indeed there is life after earth. You are sound asleep ast Weija and then you dream that you are driving and overspeeding at Mamfe! What other proof do you need that Jesus will come again?
Gone were the days when I had contacts saved on my phone such as ‘Gloria Dansoman’, ‘Gloria Adenta’, ‘Gloria Kasoa’, etc. Sometimes a phone call is coming through and I pick it and my mind is telling me that it’s the one from Adenta whereas in reality it is the Kasoa one so long as I see the name ‘Gloria’ ringing on my phone.
Recently, I decided to become adventurous again and I went to try my luck again on a lady with solid machine behind her with flood lights in front of her. She wanted to stretch me small. One, two attempts and I gave up. Sometimes it is God’s own way of preventing one from stress! Several weeks later she also started calling me apparently after either making up her mind or after she ended her journey with the one she was with at the time of my attempt. They would not even tell you their relationship status especially the guys who would present themselves as single.
What I suspected which is the game plan nowadays is that when they are attached to someone and don’t want to disclose it, they use you as insurance so that the day that relationship hits the snag, they come to make a claim – now, they would want to fall on you because you are the next in the queue. Your time, and the stage of decline will come and the one after you would also take over just like ‘abongo lorley’. Boys and girls are all doing it and not truthful to themselves. We are not trying with morality koraaaa o, that’s why HIV is on the rise and DNA clinics are growing in numbers.
When it comes to issues of DNA, the easiest conclusion drawn by society in situations where a woman gives a child to her man from another man is that ‘’eish, fear women!”. Why not ‘fear men’ too? Inasmuch I don’t have the capacity to judge in matters of morality, I often don’t accept this conclusion. Where I mostly have problems is with the men who sleep with married women. What kind of conscience at all do we have? Even if it is pressure from somebody’s wife, must you succumb to it? Go and read the early chapters in the book of Proverbs. There are cautions in there why touching another man’s wife as deadlier than any grenade thrown at you. Interestingly some of the men who do these things go to church more than Jesus Himself. They would preach to you the importance of the fear of God yet do the opposite!
Who told you that you don’t have control over your body? It’s a lie o. It is just a mind game to sin. Body no be firewood and so make your body cigarette er. Repent o, Kofi; yooo!
Ehern, why is it that men who go by the name ‘Solomon’ are generally very faithful men – waste of name k3k3! Hahaai!
Let us remember HIV is still visiting generally the reckless ones; one can only transfer it to his or her spouse and then they both die slowly leaving behind innocent young children at the mercy of the children’s aunties and uncles who have not even finished taking care of their own children.
Have a great weekend and remember to take nothing personally and it shall be well with you. So what did you learn from this empty write-up? You didn’t learn anything but you learnt everything!
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